A misshapen, gangly, but dangerous creature once roamed the alleys and backways of Chicago, hunting for prey. Lair of the Minotaur was that altered beast, and it trafficked in a skin-melting brand of sludge-crust-thrash that was raw for the sake of rawness and heavy enough to crush a bus full of anvils. Featuring members of Serpent Crown, Nachtmystium, and Vanishment, Minotaur was loaded with seasoned, angry fiends, and on albums like The Ultimate Destroyer and Evil Power, they set out to pulverize the populace with a savage, nasty sound and an attitude that screamed: “Taste the floor, poser!” Since 2010s Evil Power, it’s been pretty quiet at Camp Bullhead, but 2026 sees them roaring back to seize the means of noise production from the soft pretenders who call themselves metal heads these days. On I Hail I, they unearth their loud, caustic, abrasive-as-fook sound and inject it with MOAR juice for 30 minutes of sonic abuse and humiliation. Is this a good thing?

It doesn’t take long to figure out the answer. Opener “Emperor of Dis” is 2 minutes of rough, filthy sludge-crust that sounds like Entombed had a gigantic baby with Black Royal and then let Biohazard raise it in the mean streets. The riffs are massively heavy, and the chugs are utterly brainless but so fucking awesome. I wish the song were 3 minutes longer, and when do I say shit like that? The title track unveils a ridiculously raw guitar tone that sounds like a busted bandsaw, and then grinds your privates with it for 2-plus minutes. It’s beautiful misery and borders on industrial noise. “Fucked Inside Out” is a weirdly accurate descriptor for how this track sounds, taking Entombed’s Wolverine Blues blueprint and upping the ante considerably for a rowdy, uncouth piece of absolute sewage. It’s the roughest 1:39 you’ll spend this year unless you fall into an industrial meatgrinder, and even then it’ll be close.

When “Saturnus Reign” comes around, you know these goons are deadly serious about this comeback. This is straight-up obscenely heavy death-doom with one boot on your throat and the other up your ass. That repeating, oppressive riff that kicks off at 0:48 is a fucking world eater that Bolt Thrower should have come up with in the 90s, and it’s going to destroy your fat face. When it drags to a halt only to jump back to life when Steve Rathbone roars, “Seventh Gate!”, it’s a special moment. 7-plus minute closer, “Tartarus Apocalypse” is another massive piece of old school death-doom with monolithic riffs that reek of Triptykon, and they’ll crush you into ass pulp in short order. With so much winning, what could possibly go wrong? Well, the cover of Southern Gothic vocalist Ethel Cain’s “Family Tree” refashioned as a scalding, Darkthrone-esque black metal piece is inspired but doesn’t really fit with the rest of the album. Follow-up cut “Vulture Worship” is a weird semi-techno, electronica-meets-synth-death experiment that doesn’t really work either. “Deepest Hell” is plenty heavy but doesn’t have the same visceral impact as its better album-mates. With 3 misses on a 30-minute album, that leaves a significant bruise. Still, the good is really fooking good and most of I Hail I will wax your ass with lava!

Steve Rathbone’s guitar tone and collection of bullying, harassing riffs sell this shit like wagyu beef smoothies at a honey badger convention. I’ve been getting oppressed by them for a week, and I keep coming back for more because MOAR. This is just ludicrously heavy, unpolished metal played at volumes unsafe even for dead things. Add to the fracas Rathbone’s hoarse roaring and guttural croaking, and things start to sound like a lunatic asylum in Hell. The dude can howl and bellow with enough conviction to get him a 72-hour psych hold, and that might actually do him some good. Sanford Parker (ex-Nachtmystium) assists Rathbone with the flesh tenderizing with his fat, thrumming low-end bass work that fills every gap with rancid sludge as Kristopher Wozniak pounds away on his kit like a meth-fueled baboon (pronounced bab-BOOM). It’s a huge, loud, chaotic dump of an album,¹ but Sanford Parker did his magic as a producer and made it all palatable to the senses somehow. The guitar tone he captured here alone should earn him a Producer o’ the Year nomination.

I Hail I is a wild, weird ride through burning garbage and melting excrement. It wanders places it shouldn’t, but when it arrives at its proper destination, it will fucking kill you. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that the same guys who wrote, “Let’s Kill These Motherfuckers” can still bring the hammer down forcibly. Lair of the Minotaur have returned, and the impact crater they left behind is prodigious. Listen with caution while this thing tries to gut you like a slimy fish. Hail yourself.

Rating: 3.5/5.0
DR: 8 | Format Reviewed: 320 kbps mp3
Label: The Grind-House
Websites: lairoftheminotaur.bandcamp.com
Releases Worldwide: May 1st, 2026

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