It’s time for Kpopalypse roundup! Let’s take a look at some new releases!

RESCENE – With

I missed the whole Rescene viral explosion because I’m a normal person who just likes music and doesn’t follow stuff just because it’s trending and I didn’t like Rescene’s songs that much the first time around, but this new song of theirs is pretty good so all’s well that ends well.

Red Velvet – Irene & Seulgi – Cheetah

Some cool sonics but the song itself isn’t all that special. Maybe Irene needs to visit North Korea again with the SM songwriters in tow to get some inspiration.

Chaeryeong – Lovesick

It seems everybody gets Twice songs except Twice these days, and this one’s not bad at all, especially if you can ignore the crappy post-first-chorus slowdown. Just a pity about the look of it, she should have mowed that AI slop shrub creature to death like in Brain Dead. If Rescene can pay someone to wear a suit so can JYP.

Tiffany Young feat. Miyeon – Lips Together

Bland forgettable stuff, which reminds me of the debut Le Sserafim sound but at half speed with lame blues-based melodies thrown on top. This whole thing feels like 90% Tiffany and Miyeon feels like she’s hardly even in it, but that could just be her usual quality of blending seamlessly into the background of whatever scene she’s in.

BoA – Hohaba

People are wondering about the best ways to stop underage debuts. If you want a method that works, go up to trainees and play them this and tell them that BoA debuted at 13 and that all people who debut at that age legally have to sing this crap on their 40th birthday.

A20 SOUL – Dancing In The Dark

Speaking of which, A20 Soul is just… fucking great so far. How are they being slept on, I don’t understand it. Maybe they have to create some awful cacophonous bullshit music before people start giving a fuck. Or maybe it’s all those “concerned k-pop fans” boycotting them, who knows.

XG – Depends

A really cool and different video, by anyone’s normal standards as well as XG’s standards. The song isn’t much but I guess it’ll do until Simon Jakops can pass enough rap verses through the bars of his prison cell for the night guard to smuggle out to his producer so we can get some more decent material.

XLOV – Tooth Gem Chiwawa

I’m not that sold on the production decisions of this one. The lack of bass frequencies is a real shame, but everything else about this works pretty well.

NCT DREAM – Boogie Woogie

Pretty much just children’s music. NCT Dream have grown up now but this song hasn’t.

UNCHILD – Ting Ting

The song and video here are a perfect match, because both have a solid foundation (cool styles and clothes, a Justice-style beat) overcrowded with so much extra confusing detail that it kind of derails the whole show.

HEART OF WOMAN – Lit It

Heart Of Woman continue their relentless quest to dump everything that sounded promising about their debut sound and jump on every lame trend possible.

Baby DONT Cry – Replay

A particularly egregious case of NewJeansification that is definitely going to get these girls in a list when I do a post about it.

HITGS – BRB

HITGS follow a very underrated trend in k-pop right now, which is having a song that doesn’t suck. I wish this particular trend would catch on a little more.

Latency – Flight Mode

Ace guitarist Fingerstylish is the only original member left in Latency, and unlike all the idols who bailed as soon as they realised they’d have to repeatedly lug their own equipment around, she’s in it for the long haul. She’s restocked the group with new members who actually seem like they can keep pace with her musically, so good times ahead all round.

tripleS Zenith – See You

Another one of those “we couldn’t be bothered making a proper music video so let’s just take an extra camera to the modelling shoot” videos. So you know that they felt like the song wasn’t really worth the effort, and you know what, I think I agree with them.

P1Harmony – Blow Up

This is a boring song that you don’t care about and neither do I, so just using this space here to let you know that this is the last week you have to do the latest Kpopalypse survey! Get on it and CLICK HERE to fill it out, caonimas!

EMP (ZEROBASEONE) with Dynamic Duo – Run

I’m not taking these guys paintballing, their tactical movement is hopeless.

Xdinary Heroes – You Right There

Holy shit one of the guys from this group looks like a young Dave Mustaine, he’s got the same hair and everything.

KEYVITUP – Nagari

You know, these agencies probably don’t think AI looks any good either, they just figure that the fans are such dumb fucks that they’ll lap it up and cape for it with “but it’s not AI really” excuses regardless.

ADAP – Buffering

If something buffers this long that’s usually a sign that the system needs a reboot.

YUHZ – Here We Go

Some songs you know are going to be rubbish right from the very first note. Yuhz guys need some better material, and yes I’m going to keep making that joke every time this group comes up for the five Australians who read these roundups and get it.

OVUS – Blue Rose

Boring-ass song but you do get to see some k-pop boys beat the fuck out of each other from 2:22 so that’s fun. LC9 paved the way!

AND2BLE – Potion

I think someone drunk the shit music potion. Yeah I know that’s a lame review but it’s all I’ve got for this trash.

HIER – Prism Higher

This isn’t very good, but it’s not any worse than a bunch of other boy group stuff this week with ten times the budget and a hundred times the fanbase.

Dino – Automatic

See what I mean? The supposed “biggest label in k-pop” can’t do any better half the time.

DXMON – Nuna

This one takes the award for the most horrid AI slops. Also, who holds a secret meeting at 10:29? Can’t you just make it 10:30 like a normal secret meeting organiser? Why do I have to be one minute early? Cunts.

Yubin – Slow Jam

True musical garbage of the worst type, as if the song title itself wasn’t any indication.

MRCH – Misfit

I deleted a bunch of crap from the roundup submissions this week, but this one isn’t bad…. but is it BADING? You be the judge.

Punch – Letter to me

Punch has two types of songs – OST stuff that’s actually really quite good, and solo songs that are just this boring crap.

E.SO + Yeon – Memories left behind by frost

Don’t die of fucking shock but E.SO (that’s Seoyul of Berry Good) actually did something reasonably interesting! It only took her about 103 cracks at it over 5 years that I had to fucking sit through to get to this.

E.SO + Yeon – SEORI

And the other song, shot in the same session because money’s tight for nugus, also isn’t too bad. Good work, E.SO! Now please explain all that other trash you wrote. When I die I’m going to ask god for a refund of the time I spent listening to all your other songs.

TORWAI – System Of A Down – Chop Suey (Cover)

This guy was going great until at one point he dropped most of the food and then he just thought he’d throw a coke can in. Entertaining though, so enjoy this week’s non-Korean pick!

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